Wrestling with capitalism, stagnation, and convention.
What do I want to understand better? Money I suppose is the main thing. Or more specifically, how a complex, specialized economy works and what improvements could be made to money to make human life better.
And also, ya know, how can I get some?
I have come to the realization that my job, though comfortable and relatively generous in recompense, is a dead-end. On a day-to-day basis, I learn essentially nothing, am not challenged, and there is no prospect of moving up anywhere more interesting in the next year.... I could go on.
I do represent my motivations in the language of capitalism more often these days, both internally and externally. If there is one thing classic liberal capitalism hates, it is stagnation.
My hatred of work stagnation has less to do with money and everything to do with... me? That's just who I am. It can make me rather insufferable socially at times, I must admit. I get bored out of my mind and have to go do something else.
It makes me incredibly sad when people take self-imposed limits as natural law. Especially when that "people" is me. I see it more frequently as I get older.
The mental process of getting older is a real process, but it is not what a lot of people seem to think it is. It is not about accepting limitations... perhaps growing older is the process of understanding limitations. The challenge to overcome those limitations... the imperative to overcome those limitations... it is no less real on the day one turns forty as it was when I was sixteen, reading Emerson for the first time.
My challenge at present is to figure out some way of earning a living not by "settling down." I want to build things, new things, hard things, rather than spending day-in and day-out repeating the same rote tasks.